Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
