Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
