HIV tests are more positive than that guy
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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