White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
