we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
