hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
