i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
