He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
