I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
