addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
