I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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