I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
