Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
