No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
