So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
