Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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