About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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