you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
