and you said cock pushups were impossible
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
