Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
