I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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