JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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