I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
