Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
