Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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