Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
