I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
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I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
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guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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