I smell stomach acid.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
