u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
