Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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