Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize