Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
