I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
