Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
