So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
