that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
