I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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