I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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