You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I intend to get homeless drunk
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
