I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
