I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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