Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
