yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
