Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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