He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
