Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
