I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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