office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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