I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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