Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
