Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
