Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
