I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
