My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
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Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
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Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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