There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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