at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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