Will you blow on my dice?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
