Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
