My sheets look like a crime scene.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
