The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
