slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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