My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
