How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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