i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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