All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
