You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
