I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
