I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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