yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
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