Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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