I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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