what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
