so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
