Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
