clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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