i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
