maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
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My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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