No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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