So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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