It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
