We named our party play list daddy issues
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
