Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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