9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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