if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
