i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being pregnant is like rehab
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize