I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
