I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
