im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
