I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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