It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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