saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
did i walk over a car last night?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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