you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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