I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
